If you’re new here, welcome! This is my periodic newsletter where I share two curated tips or resources I think you’ll love.
Next week, my husband and I leave for Burning Man, where we’ll be completely off the grid for a little while. I’ll be taking a short and much needed break!
Before I disappear into the desert, I have two things for you to think about.
Let’s dive in…
Tip #1: Know When You’re in Relational Mode or Administrative Mode?
I run a support group for dads inside The Boy Mom Academy, and this month we had a great conversation about the role relational energy vs. administrative energy plays in our parenting.
Administrative energy is agenda-driven. You’re trying to get sh*t done.Did you do your homework?It’s time to get ready for bed.Please put your plate away.You’ve been on screens too long.I need to talk to you about soccer practice.Are you hungry?My Type A personality knows this mode well, and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s needed. But when our kids experience us as administrators more than people who simply enjoy being with them, I think something critical is lost.
Relational energy is when you walk into the room without an agenda.
You’re present, open and curious about whatever is happening in that moment. You’re not trying to teach, remind, correct, manage or accomplish anything.You’re just…with them.One dad in the group said:“I grew up putting the admin first. But I see with my kids that when I put the relational part first, there’s less friction getting through the administrative things.”Another said:“By default, I see the world through an administrative eye. It’s hard to retrain myself.”If you can relate, here’s my challenge for you this week:
The next time you walk into a room where your child is hanging out, notice what comes out of your mouth first.
Take a deep breath and try walking into the room with absolutely no agenda.Sit down. Look around. Be curious. See what happens.Our kids need both modes from us, but see if adding more relational energy makes the administrative stuff go more smoothly.And let me know what you learn!
Tip #2: “Get a Life” Outside of Your Kids
Every year, when I tell people I’m going to Burning Man, I get some version of: Wait. You leave your kids for that long?
Yep, since they were little, and believe me, it has been a gift to them. A couple of years ago, I wrote a whole Two Tip Tuesday about why I think Burning Man is one of the best things to ever happen to my kids…even though they don’t go.It’s not specifically Burning Man they need, but rather, it’s seeing us have friendships, interests, passions and adventures that don’t revolve around them. And it gives them opportunities to build relationships with other trusted adults. My kids know that parenting doesn’t require me to give up the things that make me feel and come alive, including having alone time with my husband. 
You definitely don’t need to go to Burning Man. But I do suggest asking yourself: What do my kids see me actively pursuing for joy, connection, adventure, or meaning?If you want to read my original short article on “Parenting Insights from Burning Man,” you can read it here (along with a tip about demanding eye contact from kids – or not).
And with that, I’m off to pack for the desert. I’ll see you on the other side. 
Rachel
P.S. Coming next month!
I’m hosting the next event in my Critical Conversations Series inside The Boy Mom Academy. This one is open to all: Raising Boys Who Feel Good About Food: Picky Eating and Beyond with Deena Barselah
The registration page is ready if you’d like to join us.
>> Register Here <<