Below, I’m sharing the most common tip I’ve been handing out lately, plus some important information about connecting with your teen son.

Tip #1: What to Do When Kids Shut Down

After our Teen Boy Mom support group last week, I got this message:

“Great session this morning! Would love to get your guidance on how to break the brick wall. I want to help and scaffold but it is hard to even get a breakthrough.”

This mom was talking about that moment when her son completely shuts down while she’s trying to help him learn something new (like better behavior).

Does your son ever do that? Here’s what I told her (edited for context):

“If conversations have ended poorly in the past, it makes sense that he shuts down now. A good scaffolding strategy is to keep the conversation super short, and then quit while you’re ahead.

Ask a question, get an answer, then drop it.

Repeat this a few times until answering feels safe. Over time, you rebuild trust that your questions aren’t a trap. Right now, the bigger issue is a breakdown in trust and respect, so focus on that before problem-solving together.”

The strategy: Build trust by stacking small, successful conversations until talking with you doesn’t feel threatening.

Tip #2: Connection Matters Most (Especially with Teen Boys)

If you have a teen son, you know how challenging communication can be. One minute you have a chatty kid, the next you’re talking to a brick wall. Does your teen shut down the moment you try to talk? Do you find yourself repeating the same things over and over? Would your son rather be on screens than be with you?

Here’s the hard reality: teen boys have a bad reputation for being difficult to talk to, but it doesn’t need to be that way.

The key is understanding why teen boys tune their moms out and learning how to work with the brain changes happening during these tricky years, not against them.

When you press your son’s “Communicate Now” button without resorting to consequences or control tactics, everything shifts.

The way you communicate with your teen is the way he will someday communicate with others. Healthy communication leads to healthy, lifelong relationships. This is worth making a priority.

I teach communication strategies inside The Boy Mom Academy, where we have a weekly teen boy mom support group. If you’re feeling invisible, ignored, or pushed away, or you’re worried you’re losing the connection you once had, know that there’s a better way. You can reignite your relationship with your son and recover from regular breakdowns in communication.