Today I’m sharing the second part of a tip I gave you last week on “attention seeking” vs. “connection seeking” behavior.

Read PART 1 HERE.

And our second pro tip will help you survive Halloween without feeling scared out of your mind about all the candy! Let’s do it…

1.  Attention vs. Connection – Teach them the difference. 

Last week, Tip #1 was to reflect on the difference between attention-seeking vs. connection-seeking behavior. I argued that knowing the difference can change the way you respond.

This week, I’m sharing what I did as soon as I realized there was a difference between attention and connection.

I taught my kids the difference.

Then I taught them how to ask for which one they needed…with their words. I taught them to say: 

“Mom, I’m feeling disconnected. Can we connect?”

Or,

“Mom, will you pay attention to me?”  

Here’s the important part.  When they asked for connection, I dropped everything and made sure they felt it. But when they asked for attention, I was honest about what I could give.

It’s one of the best things I ever did as a parent because they learned that even if I can’t give them attention, our connection is always top priority. They also learned that connection is a feeling they get, not an activity that takes a lot of time.

We’d be living in a different world if all kids learned to recognize when a deep feeling of disconnection was a problem they could solve with words. 

2.  Manage the Candy – Create a System of Moderation

Halloween isn’t just scary for kids. It’s scary for parents faced with a ginormous bag of candy in their house. Here are two ways I taught my kids to moderate their candy intake without a fight.  

• First, I made a big paper calendar and let them tape a piece of candy to each day of November. That was their daily ration. I loved seeing them tape bigger pieces to weekends. 

• Second, I told them to set up a candy store. Then I bought the rest of their candy from them.
  • .10 cents for small pieces,
  • .25 cents for medium pieces
  •  ONE WHOLE DOLLAR for full-size candy bars!

It was worth every penny. 

If those ideas don’t align with your candy values, it doesn’t matter.

The point is: Don’t let power struggles over candy spoil Halloween.

Create a fun system that everyone can get on board with. You won’t regret it.

Happy Halloween! 

❤️ Rachel

P.S. Check out this video about how to fight screen time battles more peacefully (and fairly) with your child.