Picture this: It’s a beautiful summer day, and your phone rings. It’s your son’s camp counselor with those dreaded words, “We need to talk about what happened today.” Your heart sinks, your mind races, and the first question that tumbles out of your mouth is probably, “What happened?”
Last week alone, three different parents I work with got calls exactly like this from summer camp. Each one letting them know their kid had gotten into some kind of trouble. And each parent did the natural next step: They asked, “What happened?”
It’s pure instinct. You want the full story. You want to know if your kid was treated fairly, if they did something wrong, or if they need your help. But here’s the thing… timing is everything, especially when it comes to our boys.
Today, I’m sharing an alternative to that immediate “What happened?” response, plus an invitation to something special that will help you reset your entire family for the school year ahead.
Don’t Lead with “What Happened?”
When kids (especially boys) are in trouble and they know it, jumping straight to “what happened” puts them on the defensive. It transforms you from their safe person into a detective. And it makes it way more likely that they’ll shut down, lie, or say what they think you want to hear.
I witnessed this firsthand when I was working on the mental health team at my son’s sleepaway camp last month. One boy got into big trouble. When I arrived, he was bracing for judgment, his whole body tense and ready for the interrogation he expected. But instead of launching into questions, I opened my arms and said, “Hey buddy, you’re having a tough time, huh?”
He folded into me immediately.
That moment of connection? It made space for everything else to come later: the story, the reflection, the accountability. But first, he needed to know he was safe and loved, even in his mess.
Here’s your alternative approach:
Arms wide open (or at least body language that shows you’re open and present… phones down!)
Say something loving and neutral to show you’re on your child’s side:
“What a hard day.”
“What’s going on kiddo?”
“Seems like you could use some extra love today.”
Ask, “Do you want to talk about it now or later?”
Let them come to you with the rest. Trust me, when they feel safe instead of interrogated, the truth flows much more freely. And let me know how it goes or if you need advice for when this doesn’t work perfectly the first time.
How to Do a Back-to-School Family Reset
My family would not survive our transition back-to-school without our annual “Back to School Family Reset” and whiteboard exercise. My kids groan about it every single year, but they’d be completely lost without it, so we march on!
The truth is, I can’t teach you this whole transformative process via a blog post, which is why I’m doing a comprehensive workshop on this topic TWICE in August. If you want to see my family’s actual process in action, hear real examples from other boy moms, and get personalized tips on how to make your back-to-school reset work for your unique family, you need to join me in person.
I’m pulling back the curtain and showing you exactly how I set my whole family up for success at the beginning of every school year. No fluff, no theory… just the real, practical strategies that work.
“How to Do a Back-to-School Family Reset” with Rachel Sklar
Thursday, August 7th at 12pm Pacific
Tuesday, August 12th at 8pm Pacific
Registration is required, and spots are limited because I want to give each family the attention they deserve.
Ready to transform how you handle the tough moments with your son? Join thousands of other boy moms who’ve discovered that connection comes before correction—and watch how everything changes.