Here are some tips I share with you, the same ones I give to my clients and boy mom communities.

Tip #1 Create a “Book of Possibilities” For Your Child

I suggest you create a “Book of Possibilities” for your child. It’s an easy way to build connection and increase your child’s sense of self.

Step 1: 
Get a blank spiral notebook – ideally one where you can write or stick a title on the cover. Label it:  “[First Name] [Last Name’s] Book of Possibilities.” So it might say:  “Daniel Smith’s Book of Possibilities.” 

Step 2: 
On the first page, write a message about why you’re giving them the book.  This is what mine says:

Dear E,
This is your book! It is written for you, about you, and by you. It’s a great place to keep your lists, reminders, promises, gratitude, drawings, thoughts, feelings (be they happy or sad), and possibilities. We will help you fill it. It will grow as you grow. Enjoy! We love you always, everyday, every way ❤️ Mom and Dad 

Step 3. 
Teach them how to use it. Here are some of the things my kids have added to their books of possibility: 

• Birthday lists (people and gifts) 
• Acrostic poems celebrating their strengths
• Lists of things to do when you’re bored
• “What made your day great?” template
• A list of things that make your child awesome
• Movies they want to see
• A love note from Grandma
• Foods you can eat when you’re feeling picky
• A family tree
• “When I’m mad, I can…” list
• Games (hangman, tic-tac-toe, mazes) 
• Goals for the year
• Stories (made up and real) 
• A birthday message from your mom (written backwards no less!) 

NOTE: Keep it positive unless your child wants to use it to complain and vent. I added my son’s screen time rules to it, and he scribbled angrily over several pages. Oops! But he also used it to express hard feelings safely.

If this is something you’d like to do, hit reply and type, “Great idea. I’m doing it” – Your replies help shape what I teach next. 

Tip #2: Adopt the Mantra: “Curious, Not Commanding”

Do you ever feel like a drill sergeant who barks orders at your child?

I developed this mantra with a client whose son was constantly misbehaving, leading to frequent corrections and commands. From “Get out of bed” to “Stop doing that” to “Get in the car already.”

My clients usually walk away from our sessions with some shorthand or a little mantra to write on a sticky note that summarizes the session and keeps it top of mind. Sometimes, it’s cryptic and would make no sense to anyone else, but this time, the sticky note mantra felt universal:  

  Curious, Not Commanding 

Unlike the mantra, “Curious, not furious,” this one is actionable. It tells you what to stop doing and what to do next. It’s a reminder that barking orders will not get you as far as curiosity about your child’s needs.

So whenever your son is doing something wrong, try to respond with a question rather than a command.

When he won’t get out of bed for school, instead of saying “Get up!” say, “Hey, what’s going on? It seems hard to wake up today.”

When he’s rude to his brother, instead of saying, “Stop that!” say, “What’s going on? Did he do something that bothered you? Tell me!”

When he yells at you (or he’s rude), instead of saying, “Don’t talk to me that way!” say, “‘What’s going on? This isn’t like you.” [even if it is – that’s a different tip!].

The goal is to get out of power struggles and into relationships, because in the context of connection and feeling good in the relationship, boys cooperate best. (Not to mention that you’ll feel less tense). 

These small, everyday moments of curiosity are what make the bigger conversations possible later on.

Save the Date – March 12 at 12 pm:
I’m hosting Ryan Parke, author of “How to Help Him.”  This is part of my “2026 Critical Conversations” series, where we discuss topics related to mental health and masculinity to benefit your son and any male in your life. Ryan and I will discuss how to have inclusive, engaging, and effective conversations with your son that protect his mental health and help prevent the kinds of struggles boys often keep hidden – long before things reach a breaking point.